I’m one of those people without a STOP sign when I open my mouth. You might see more than you want to see.
If you read the past posts you’ll see the swing of my emotions. I’ll probably be just as bad…but I need a place to put the results of my tests and to answer the question “How are you?” I’m not currently comfortable discussing this with the world. So, here it is.
On May 20th I had a routine chest xray. Six days later I’m seeing a pulmonary doctor. Dr Nguyen. A nice guy. He orders more tests. June 29th Dr Nguyen tells me I have metastasized renal cancer in my lung. The next day I had a bone scan.
On July 5, the doctor is going to, by bronchoscopy, take a biopsy of my lymph node near my tumor to see if it has spread beyond the one tumor. If it hasn’t then they’ll just cut it out. That’s what they did when I had kidney cancer back in 2003. If it has spread then things will get chemical.
The day after that I leave for Mexico for five days. One day after we get back I have an appointment with nice Dr Nguyen to get the results of my tests.
Through all of this my daughter has been with me at all the appointments. It has been wonderful having her with me. And my Gage and Kaitlin too. I’m used to doing all of this alone (like when I drove myself to the hospital for an emergency gall bladder removal.) It’s just weird. But my babies have been wonderful. They would have driven me to the hospital for the gall bladder but it never occurred to me to ask. I’m sure now that I hurt them when I don’t ask them for help.
When I told my blessed Compassion team members I was going in for the tests they all volunteered to go with me. It was uncomfortable because I didn’t know what to do with them. I thanked them, I wanted to cry. People who actually wanted to be with me and I hadn’t given birth to them. When the results of the biopsy came back they were perfect. Supportive, loving, but respecting of my roiling emotions. I can’t thank God enough for them.
I feel like a very busy deer in the headlights. I thank God I have the Mexico ministry to keep me moving forward. The last couple of days I lost track of things. I forgot to make a promised call and haven’t answered some emails I would have normally. I almost panicked.
Then my car needed work. I had been meaning to call a Rosarito buddy who owns a shop but I got overwhelmed and didn’t. Arty took it over, called my Rosarito buddy and by the next day my car was fixed and I had two new tires. Did you know that new tires smell like love and heaven? Again I’m overwhelmed. The smell of the tires made me cry all the way home. I’m blessed beyond bearing.
I got caught up with my work today while I spent the day listening to Hamilton and laughing with my Beth’s family. It’s my Easton’s birthday weekend.
More later. We’re going to Wabi Sabi.